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Schoooner or Later
By Joe Pivetti

Afore a yarn, and to wet his lips somewhat, A tired old man unshived a scuttlebutt. He ladled out a mighty cold swill, Drank up, and began this tale. "We be racked by a gale. We reached and we ran Out across a tempestuous sill. Then be it still; betime she lay in irons. We unbrailed and swigged up more sail, Up close to the hounds and the bibbs. But a strong flaw popped a gib And we untillered into a skerry allision abeam - Despite a fast aback by the team. Well, we 'ad to kedge off a bit With a rode and a killick. We opened the scuppers and limbers And manned the bailers and pails. Our Cap'n and bos'n hollered Fer the gadget to watch o'er the wales... Hopin' that we'd hold fer a trick." "The deck be rent and come proud Such that haulin' a gaff apeak allowed A batten and carling test for yer feet. Oh, yarr, we sure be beat... And with me under the weather. But we got to work together. We laid some cargo out on the deck With a snorter or two for a check Without garbling and aft of a dodger it be. Then we steeved the richest into the cuddy. Then we swayed up the lines, Stepped o'er the ballantines, Untallied the sheets and wung out the sails, And scudded on a new run and saw... We must outfoot a yare spanker That had come about from a brume with the law." Atop the binnacle I could see when we Took to a rhumb friendlier than the rest. And finally we found haven from that stormy sea. There a mate tossed out a hockle abreast And played it out to the bitter end Before it be taken up by matelots of men. We hauled alongside their bumboat of a dink So's we might tap the slush fund for salt horse And rations of new rum to drink.

After the fare came up the brow, Or by way of the bouse, We had a fare samplin' Such that the ship's chippy Got sideways to a bumpkin. He burst into staggerin' rage and racket And with boom vang and becket He went to war with a tar Who came to arms with a long spritted crance. They injured the crew more than themselves And after their dance... They had the devil to pay. It was that or the captain's daughter. So o'er a hull they went athwart her With beetle and loggerhead To seal the unsealable seam And drink their fill of the sea. 'Avast' called our mate of dread When he saw they'd be awash Afore he thought they'd atoned fully. So he took a bight around each limb fast, Stretched 'em across a bitt And gave 'em the bimmy (Till they was soft, baggywrinkly And not worth a brit)." I was that tar and I went Over and ashore in a trice When that ship was careened, Unstepped and unbent. I'm here to tell ya in shame That I've nothin to show For twenty years 'fore the mast. Not a cringle or clew to me name. But I'll never be pooped again For that mate's starter is me end." He cut off his queue and said "This will have to stead as me bottomry And ye'll do me right handsomely If ye might pipe me down To rest 'neath a heavy groin With the foam of a torrid overfall nearby. There where I might go full and by Not down to Davy Jones' locker, But with spindrift up to that taunt aerie; Which'll be the final nest for this ol' lubberly sailor." Here is a link to a glossary of nautical terms