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Do Ewe Ever Wonder Down Under
By Joe Pivetti

Reporter: when working a cruise you're on board a what? Aussie: it's a sheep mate Reporter: while wool gathering, you're shearing a what? Aussie: it's ewe mate Reporter: when you're visited by a pugilistic pest, it's what? Aussie: it's my roo mate Reporter: what's your favorite band? Aussie: it's Accadacca mate Reporter: do you barbecue with Ken? Aussie: me cobber's fierce on a snag and chook barbie mate Reporter: what do you do with Google? Aussie: I brekkie mate Reporter: are those sweatpants tough to tie? Aussie: they're tracky daks Reporter: can I ask you a stupid question? Aussie: don't be a drongo mate Reporter: do Australians like doughnuts? Aussie: it's fair dinkum 'cross Straya mate Reporter: are you a good driver? Aussie: I don't lay on the hoon mate Reporter: is it okay for me to publish this interview? Aussie: no wucka's mate Reporter: what if I tear up the contract and give you $1,000 instead? Aussie: that's big bikkies - you're bloody ripper mate! Reporter: do you take your kids to the beach Aussie: they're not grommets or shark biscuits mate Reporter: where are you happiest? Aussie: out in the woop woop mate Reporter: do you like little trees? Aussie: yeet, they's bonza mate Reporter: how do you keep your beer cold at a gig? Aussie: I keep me roadies in an esky mate Reporter: are casqued dagger-toed blue birds dangerous? Aussie: it's a cassowary mate Reporter: have you seen the Aurora Australis? Aussie: that's for the apple eating devils mate Reporter: did you just smile when I stepped in something? Aussie: that's a quokka borrie mate Reporter: is it hard to see a tawny frogmouth? Aussie: I'm stumped mate Reporter: do you ever have ant problems? Aussie: I...hmmmm...numbat I recall mate Reporter: do you like this joint better than KFC? Aussie: it's an emu-ed point mate Reporter: is it safe to go into the outback of bananaland? Aussie: dingo in there mate Reporter: is that braying from roasting a donkey? Aussie: they're laughing kookaburra mate Reporter: is that southpaw taking MDMA? Aussie: he's a straight mollydooker mate Reporter: should we be looking out for drop bears? Aussie: I'm no Hogan but you might Vegemite mate Reporter: is it true you've a lizard here that carries nesting material with it's tail? Aussie: it's woylie true mate Reporter: is it edible? Aussie: goanna mate Reporter: have you ever blown it? Aussie: I've come a guster mate Reporter: are you upset about your disc golf tee shot? Aussie: I'm not chucking a wobbly mate Reporter: have you thought about working in politics? Aussie: I've no yobbo mate Reporter: is that loud mouth at the bar in a pickle? Aussie: he's a dill mate Reporter: do you like a cool wind? Aussie: I'm chuffed mate Reporter: is there room for us to set up a chess board? Aussie: it's chockers in here mate Reporter: do you still have the drive? Aussie: I've me utes mate Reporter: Do you walk in your sleep? Aussie: Nah, I don't dance in matilda mate. Reporter: Do you ever drive after drinking? Aussie: I'll never be munted on me feral donk ride mate. Reporter: But, otherwise, do you think drink is bloody good? Aussie: I enjoys XXXX butchers as much as the next bloke mate Reporter: What's with that cut up up rough looking guy at the bar? Aussie: A captain cook past his dial and into the drum will learn ya that his blood's worth bottling mate. Reporter: Would I get a good story if I bring the heat in an interview or is he a slippery stiff? Aussie: He's ridgy-dide and no galah on a grizzle to skite mate Reporter: What about the guy next to him with the giant Isaac rabbit shirt? Aussie: The jackaroo's no walloper and that ain't zack mate