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Just A Few cc's (Chemical Cocktails) - [hover over blue words for hints]
By Joe Pivetti

A supercool Just below the freezing point but still liquid water molecule flows into a bar and the bartender asks "what's your name, o almost icy one?" and the H2O expansively says "brrr and shh: I'm bond, covalent bond." A hydroxyl >A functional group with the chemical formula −OH and composed of one oxygen atom covalently bonded to one hydrogen atom molecule twists his way into a pub and the publican asks "for a Hamilton, do you want a black and white...cookie?" and the doh HO hangs ten and says "radical dude." A heavy water molecule stomps into a roadhouse and the tapster asks "what do ya tope?" and the D2O eyes him automatedly and blandly returns "isotope to be stable." An acid molecule struts into a lounge and the mixologist asks "what's your poison" and the HF corrosively retorts with "I'm a proud proton donor...and I like my liqueur hydrofluoric." A noble gas molecule inertially skates into a drinkery and the counterman asks "what's your sign?" and the N guy rests his leg on a sycophant, lights up and says "neon." A crystal ticks into a saloon and the victualler asks "what's your tonic?" and the SiO2 sighs before parrying with "a quartz of triclinic A crystal system or three-dimensional geometrical arrangement having three unequal oblique axes might be the cure." An acetyl a vinegar radical rolls into a bar (mitzvah) and the barperson asks "what's making your dressing so tart?" and the −COCH3 couches with "a Revi'ith of ethanoyl bevakasha." A diliatant Oobleck A mixture of corn starch and water that behaves like a liquid when at rest and like a solid when pressure is applied (or the goo that rains on people in a Dr. Seuss story) oozes into a watering hole and the Barth-tender asks "what's your corn?" and the ol' C6H10O5 starchily counters with "I'm still Seuss-ing that out." A dimer A molecule or molecular complex consisting of two identical molecules linked together slinks into a free house and an alewife asks "waddya tink you can buy wit dat?" to which the C12H22O11 sweetly supplies "if you think I'm sucrose, I won't have a t'ing." A salt reels into a groggery and the barmate asks "what'll be your ration?" and the NaCl sparks back "avast ye, might I jest have an electric dipole moment to decide?" A blind benzene bumps into a bar and the tapper asks "what do I smell?" and the C6H6 canes out in code "I hope you meant spell - 'cause I'm thirsty as an atomicity The number of atoms in the molecules of an element of 12." An ammoniacal enters a shebeen and the bar-cologist asks "what's your pollution?" and the NH3-N, says "if no one's buyin' a round, then I' guess I've had my fill of leachate today." A glycol glides into a joint and the hootcher asks "what' coolin' your radiator?" and the (CH2OH)2 viscously replies "I can't taste or smell it it...but ethylene might keep me fluid." A ketone bellie's up to a bar and the tap bender asks "have you decided what's singin' to you?" and the cheery R2C=O lilts "Grenen Dean" A Norwegian fjord ...as I'm stuck in a group between C's". A protein molecule sidles up to the bar and the server asks "how mean do you want it?" and the RCH(NH2)COOH says "not to viscous; there's no WC and I'm already inspissated."Thickened or congealed A methylene blue molecule droops into a bar and the bartendress asks "I'm guessing sex on the beach?" and the C16H18N3SCl says "I may be aromatic but I'm also heterocyclic." Denoting a compound whose molecule contains a ring of atoms of at least two elements (one of which is generally carbon) Some anion salts sail into a tavern and the taverner asks "would you like something light?" and one who's H2O2 says "hold on and we'll make our group choice by peroxy." The divalent radical -O-O- derived from a peroxide A Berkeley radical strolls into a taproom and a barmaid asks greenly "do I need to card you?" and he responds with a Bk whopper of "I've already been emitted to Californium." A thiol An organic compound containing the group —SH, i.e. a sulfur-containing analog of an alcohol skips into a cantina and the victualler asks "like alcohol?" and the R-SH hurriedly says "I'm analagous to it but I'm stuck with an alkyl Of or denoting a hydrocarbon radical derived from an alkane by removal of a hydrogen atom substituent." An amino acid creeps up to a bar with a long list.  The barkeep asks "just one hot drink?" and the (CH3)3N+CH2CO2- says "can't isomerize: 2 cold ones as I'm zwitterion A molecule or ion having separate positively and negatively charged groups and beet."