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Most Bands Have a Demonymic
By Joe Pivetti

Some Belgians with colds are quite Flemish, and others, on the griddle, just waffle. Some Kiwis are fuzzy on the family tree and may try to skirt Maori customs. In eastern Sumatra, uncocked fists may turn a chicken fight into a quieter Malay condition. In N'Djamena, an oppositionist decided not to vote because the ins had left him with a hanging Chad. Indians living in the Lakshadweep islands are Laccadivian, even if they own sofas. Even if you prefer vanilla politics to Neapolitan, in Naples, every year you're Campanian. The best Siberians are known as the cream of Tartars. If on an expensive night out in Prague, you see a mounted bohemian in chain armor, it's comforting to know           ...that the Czech is in the mail. Latvia (or Letland) might be home to two Riga Mauri...as an example of how Letts can be Moor. When you go to the poles, international law applies, but if the Poles come to you, home law applies. At an Olympic basketball game, a fan asks, "wouldn't our co-prince be proud of that Catalan's great Eurostep to the basket?"          A Basque-et in the next seat tersely replies "Andorran." Teutonically, the gin tab at a cheap Vienese restaurant in pre-Euro Paris, might have been a Franc for a frank for a Frank. Toking ex-Baltic-SSRian Tallins, while almost north of the border, are still Estonian. In ancient France one had a lot of Gaul, but across the channel, an artist wouldn't need to be rude...to get a lot of Picts. When asking a fellow for a piece of breath-refreshing gum in Trent, you might do it with a Tridentine In litigious Salt Ste. Marie, Canada, one Soo's the same as another. When you operate a Mexican food truck near the Puget Sound, you're likely a a Tacoman. In Leichester, of bobbies, one might say to an abetter, "Chizzit, the cops." In Helsinki there might be more than one Sami (but neither is likely to be Hagar or Davis Junior). In Detroit, it's not uncommon for a Michigander to propose to a Michigoose. In Lomé on the Gulf of Guinea, not in Togolese, a British tourist might say, "I'm a bit short mate...           could you discount the Botokoin if it's not for take-away." If cooking up home-made Macanese in São Francisco Xavier parish, Kraft work's not in a side for Galinha à portuguesa. If you find a Waterloo asylum escapee atop a barrier, he's likely a Walloon. If your pasty wrap crust in Looe is made from masa harina, is it still Cornish? A Mainiac's hairstyle might be that of a Bangor or she might prefer it, like lobster, kept in a roll. On the Tawahati, a local rafter that's swigged too much milk, might drop in the drink for a Mooloo. A Maldivian in the Gulf of Mannar might rudely and unfairly dole out dramamine and then venture to Ceylon to calmer seas. An Istanbully with luggage might say "Atatürk" as he takes an Ilkadim view of a Samsunite monument. What does the lingerie of a busty woman, who has left the China/Burma border hills, have in common with a napping frère in           Aix-en-Provence?  One's an ex-Wa Z bra and the other's an Aixois Z bro. Over the Falls of the Ohio and into Churchill Downs came a hat hating left tenant Slugger of a Louisvillain...           out to ruin the derby. Johnny foisted many a sketchy com. stock load on Carsonites: as Art Fern (with "matinee lady" Carol Wayne),           and as Carnac the Magnificent (with "Midas Muffler breath" McMahon) - usually right after Doc blew his horn.